Recent Movie Reviews


Soybean Soybean

Rated 5 / 5 stars

I can't deny that it's one hell of an advertisement, dude. Threw in a few fat ones to your Patreon, as confusing as that whole system is.

Fuck is a Term, anyway?

Oh and great work on the animation and all that.


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MiltoniusArts responds:

Thank you Sir! I just messaged you on Patreon! Yeah it's definitely not a perfect system. There's still a lot of things about it that confuse me too. But I'm slowly figuring out how to best use it for what I need to do. Basically the Terms mean I collect 1 to 2 times per month depending on the content. But I've only been collecting 1 time per month since I started. I guess I could change the word term to animation but that would confuse people too since I release 1 small animation per week. I'll figure something out...

Thank you for the kind words and thank you again for your support. It's much appreciated! :)


Kiss La Kiss Kiss La Kiss

Rated 1.5 / 5 stars

Parodies work better when they aren't brimming with utter contempt and loathing for the audience, the product, and yourself for having made them. I couldn't have felt more barely restrained hate for the subject matter if you had made a fifteen minute video of yourself violently screaming directly into Ragyo's mouth.

On a more sincere note it just felt lazy and uninspired - references that only people who are dangerously involved with the community that surrounds this thing would get, over any actual wit or send-up.

Yeah, Mako would fuck Gamagoori if the "shippers" got their way, and Satsuki was designed with some pretty big fuckin' eyebrows. That's hardly even a sendup of the anime, that's a sendup of the "fandom's" sendups. Which have already been sent-up multiple times.

With the one joke sprinkled in between that ("we haven't kissed" being subverted with "let's have anal sex" which was pretty funny) the entire animation was a limp exercise in lack of energy, for all the wacky overacting it had.

A lot of people have been complaining about it not making sense, which should be taken to heart. With better parodies like Airplane, Naked Gun or even the Metal Gear Awesome series - it didn't matter whether or not you knew what they were referencing, you still knew what was going in in the context of the parody itself and it was funnier because of the established context.

You can do better. You HAVE done better. And if you're doing this for the sake of doing this, as your author description hints at: to keep a slavering horde of your fans off your back? Then maybe you should tell them to Kill la Kill themselves.


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SpeedoSausage responds:

ooo
thank you


Parasitemas Parasitemas

Rated 5 / 5 stars

My cock is all for you. And anus. Take me.

What the FUCK, YOU GUYS? Why the fuck is this piece of animation here? Why the fuck did it rest on the frontpage and within a collection, content to fade out of existence?

Why is this no out winning Oscars and having schools dedicated to it?

This is, without a doubt the single best file on the internet. This is true art, and this is what everybody who fucking DARES to pick up a pencil should be studying, to even attempt to gain the level of pure undiluted art that this flash has achieved would be blashpemy.

Everything about it screams about its place utop the Mountain of Souls, spitting at mere mortal flashes that pass it. The subtle poignancy of an anal prolapse and the life that it gives, the vicious metaphor of human interaction as the tapeworms exit one uretha and enter another.

The unlikely parody of Christian dominance on pagan fairytales as the personification of God uses the mutilated fairy as lubricant for his fabulous masturbating.

You... have achieved greatness. Tears stream out of my eyes as I write this, and my cock throbs with every tap of the key. There should be shrines dedicated to the sheer ART, THE SHEER FUCKING ART, of the flash.

Make like The Elder Scrolls, and force your worshipers to worship you in the wilderness at the inevitable cults formation around this flash. It is a wonder that it doesn't already exist.

You should do this, because while this Flash Shames God Himself we still need a functioning society for these holy tapeworms to copulate vigorously in, and visible shrines would undoubtedly cause people to cast down their works and pray.

Pray, to you.

All of you.

I, personally, thank you for creating this flash. Pacmanic, Hulalaoo, MasterAardvark, and Spazkid.

When I masturbate tonight, it will be done in lovely tune to =DanceOfTheBells= and it shall be done thinking...

Of you.

*sniff*


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OrganizedApeShape responds:

LOL

Recent Game Reviews


D-Pression D-Pression

Rated 5 / 5 stars

Took me bloody ages to figure out that fucking square room, tell you what.

It was a clever mechanic, using friction, but honestly since absolutely everything you're taught up until then tells you that the two balls will always travel at the same speed, it was a little confusing. I'd recommend at least a hint in that level.

"Sometimes letting go can get you farther than holding on"

Though that might be too obtuse.

All the same, nice little game and a nice contribution to the Jam, dude. My score might be inflated, but who's going to argue reviewing harshly here of all places?


LucidShadowDreamer responds:

"...everything you're taught up until then tells you that the two balls will always travel at the same speed, it was a little confusing. I'd recommend at least a hint in that level."

=> Know what? You're probably right. I will make a semi-large update this game sometime during the summer, and I will to begin with, add more levels, to more slowly introduce the player to physics. But also, I will try to come up with some kind of a hint.

Good job on beating the game though ;)

"All the same, nice little game and a nice contribution to the Jam, dude. My score might be inflated, but who's going to argue reviewing harshly here of all places?"

=> Thanks, Lintire! You're right; I've been very easy on many of the contributions too, and I think they deserve that. This year was full of amazing games :p I can barely wait for the coming jams!


Zelda the Welder Zelda the Welder

Rated 4 / 5 stars

Playing this with a shitty mouse that glitched right the fuck out every two and a half seconds left me with a raging ego-boner by the time I beat this motherfucker.

Uh, hopefully someone will have already said this, but the saw is the third weapon down and you need to click on the grey area under the lit bulb to begin the first segment. This game will probably be buttfucked into oblivion because that ain't nearly clear enough, and that's a shame.

Anyway, the game was funny and quick, and that's the best kind of flash game. A few graphical glitches, but nothing but minor stuff. Great work, guys.


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MonoFlauta responds:

Hi! First of all let me say "DAT MOUSE" lol

We added some arrows to make it more obvious, hope that makes it clear enough now :)

Thanks for the review and glad you liked the game!


Story of the Blanks Story of the Blanks

Rated 3.5 / 5 stars

missed your beats

My Little Pony happens to be one of the oddest trends today on the Internet, but something like that isn't going to stop me from reviewing this fairly. Besides, I do think it kind of cute.

It's a nice throwback to the old NES era, with everything from the checkerboard aesthetics to the lack of animation holding it together. As a fan-made piece, it isn't too bad either.

However, it is nowhere near "creepypasta" status, and it really lacks on the gameplay side, too. It basically consists of minor dialogue, a fetch quest, and a short "good" gameplay piece where you're figuring out the patterns to dodge the revivified ponies.

I'm really only talking about the beginning segment, too. The further dodging kind of sucked.

Now, while the throwback is all good in the aesthetics and audio department, the actual difficulty of the gameplay is lacking. The old NES games had serious game in them, and this, well, it plays on like a fan-piece.

It has potential, but missed potential at that.

You do realise that you could have made a full game out of this? We're talking puzzles, actual chase sequences, and a good load of fun escaping from the pony town. It is a real shame that you decided to keep it to a bare minimum.

It certainly isn't bad, not at all, you just could have done a whole lot more with it. I would have liked to have seen a lot more from it; a true tribute to the NES saga. Perhaps next time, ey?

And just because I can, I may as well address Mr. Ivan, although I know he'll never look at this; to say that you're generalizing is an understatement. Every "fandom" has its absolute freaks, but it also tend to have tonnes of actual, genuine, decent fans.

You may as well say that every COD player is a 12 year old, or that every black person is a bike-stealing nob. But you don't, because its a fucking lie. Saying that every MLP fan is a freak is lying. There you go.

Eh, peace out.


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Recent Audio Reviews


Artificial Intelligence Evolved Artificial Intelligence Evolved

Rated 5 / 5 stars

Hey.

Hans Zimmer called.

I know, I'm exaggerating here, but seriously - nice stuff.


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Coma: Red Wind Theme Coma: Red Wind Theme

Rated 4 / 5 stars

Wind unto a Breath.

It's a great ambiance song that you have, certainly calming and the sort of thing I could lay back and listen to for hours. The hints of a choir that you have in there only make the songs so much more to be appreciated. I'm an absolute sucker for choir, so *pop* onto the favourites this goes.

This is definitely a better example of ambiance, fully blending in with it's own style of music. However, and a big however, is that the song itself need lengthening. You could have included much more substance into the song itself - since I'm the type who really gets involved with ambiance, it's sort of being left out for cold - one second you're lying back, peacefully listening to a great track and then suddenly it's over - not fair, brah. The song itself is pure brilliance, the slow buildup to the choir great but the length itself is just... ouch.

I'd suggest adding in some more turns, greater screen time for that choir, mostly working your way through the decibels, and mainly keep the song at it's peak for the longest time possible, before finally letting it go. Just try and lengthen the song out, get it going into some rhythm before letting us go like that. But otherwise, love the acoustic, the subtle macaronis (or whatever the shaking things are called) and the drums, and that choir in bloody brilliant.


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The Metaphoric Art Forum The Metaphoric Art Forum

Rated 5 / 5 stars

Troof.

Besides being a delicately (see: Axe Murderer) constructed audio submission, it contains the truth of many a demise of a potential "artist". People must listen to this 'bloody long essay', at least new people, to grasp what their fates shall be like if they do not follow the advice of their elders, to learn and grow and be respected in the woodland full of faerie creatures.
As their falsely constructed empires of praise and mercy upon their 2-minute works fall down around them, exposing the very crappy down core of their self-esteem, we shall direct them to this literary dictation - people deserve to know that which has banished them why, and just how lowly the woodland creatures actually thought about them.

As for the submission itself, it's obviously parodical. You might want to try and brush up on your English accents and actually try to make it sound legitimate - sometimes, the best parodies are the ones you don't know are parodies. Theres also an annoying lisp constant throughout the piece, along with that little "thrown voice" thingie that always appears when someone is blatantly throwing their voice. As I absolutely no idea and experience what it's like to be a Voice Actor, I'll not waste time trying to suggest anything to fix that up.

The descriptive language was good, and I can see this being adapted into a flash movie of sorts, just to let people know what an unforgiving and horrible place the Art Forum can be without proper caution. Something along the lines of that Red Riding Hood movie where everyone got eaten. A right proper warning to the newbies, good sir. You've done a favour to the community and deserve to be justly rewarded. Failing that, you get a cookie.


bigjonny13 responds:

When I was recording it, I wasn't trying to go for an English accent, but it developed into that as the story progressed. As for the thrown voice, I have no idea what's up with that, as I didn't even try to do so.
Anyways, hooray for the cookie.

Recent Art Reviews


iXtal iXtal

Rated 5 / 5 stars

I feel like looking at this is going to reduce a sanity meter or something.

Anyway, great job with the caustics. I'd say to watch the density of the effect - how spaced out the actual caustics are makes me think that this is meant to be a wee critter, but the wind wave density up top makes me think it's meant to be an incredibly large one.

It's the opposite of a big deal. You could always do the scale cheat sheet and throw in some birds. Underwater. It'll work.

Good picture.


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sucho responds:

i learned a new word! yes its not meant to be very big, since i did copy the light patterns from pictures of people underwater, but i couldn't find good reference for the water meniscus at the top. now that i look at it i probably shouldn't have had so many light panes filtering down.


Red Lion Red Lion

Rated 5 / 5 stars

Yo Zane - it's a shame you didn't finish it, I'd say this is one of your best examples of colourized work!

Still, great story behind it, and if nothing else, a piece that tells a story is totally worth showing off.


ZaneZansorrow responds:

Thanks Linty, I definitely agree with that. Dunno how I can re replicate the colors from what I did here but I'm sure I'll figure it out one day


Spark Poster Spark Poster

Rated 5 / 5 stars

14 megabytes for a poster is slightly terrifying.

Still turned out well even if the robot does kind of look like it's crying. Sad about life. Never showed up to its Diode's deathbed. The colours are pretty good too.


radiodark responds:

Haha. I was thinking it looked kinda like little light bulbs, but tears are okay too.

<3