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Recent Movie Reviews


Parasitemas Parasitemas

Rated 5 / 5 stars January 3, 2012

My cock is all for you. And anus. Take me.

What the FUCK, YOU GUYS? Why the fuck is this piece of animation here? Why the fuck did it rest on the frontpage and within a collection, content to fade out of existence?

Why is this no out winning Oscars and having schools dedicated to it?

This is, without a doubt the single best file on the internet. This is true art, and this is what everybody who fucking DARES to pick up a pencil should be studying, to even attempt to gain the level of pure undiluted art that this flash has achieved would be blashpemy.

Everything about it screams about its place utop the Mountain of Souls, spitting at mere mortal flashes that pass it. The subtle poignancy of an anal prolapse and the life that it gives, the vicious metaphor of human interaction as the tapeworms exit one uretha and enter another.

The unlikely parody of Christian dominance on pagan fairytales as the personification of God uses the mutilated fairy as lubricant for his fabulous masturbating.

You... have achieved greatness. Tears stream out of my eyes as I write this, and my cock throbs with every tap of the key. There should be shrines dedicated to the sheer ART, THE SHEER FUCKING ART, of the flash.

Make like The Elder Scrolls, and force your worshipers to worship you in the wilderness at the inevitable cults formation around this flash. It is a wonder that it doesn't already exist.

You should do this, because while this Flash Shames God Himself we still need a functioning society for these holy tapeworms to copulate vigorously in, and visible shrines would undoubtedly cause people to cast down their works and pray.

Pray, to you.

All of you.

I, personally, thank you for creating this flash. Pacmanic, Hulalaoo, MasterAardvark, and Spazkid.

When I masturbate tonight, it will be done in lovely tune to =DanceOfTheBells= and it shall be done thinking...

Of you.

*sniff*


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AniManic responds:

LOL


"...is Done" ROBOTDAY2010 "...is Done" ROBOTDAY2010

Rated 5 / 5 stars July 14, 2011

EPILEPTIC ORGASM (with toast)

A Short Summary for all those who can't be bothered to wait patiently while this, probably the best Flash to ever be conceived, loads:

A random robot dances off a random black guy, ejaculates toast onto a random chick, does drugs, and beats the crap out of a hooker to get his money back. End Flash.

If THAT didn't convince you to watch this Flash, worship it, and then subsequently hail praise among its creator, the almighty phantomZ, then frankly you don't belong on internet, let alone Facebook.

How did you do it? How did you summon the will of the Gods to funnel their will, their very ESSENCE, into your creativity? Because you've shown us the way, in this flash. I am so very glad.


phantomZ responds:

Best Fucking Review.


[QZ] - Stellar Pythons [QZ] - Stellar Pythons

Rated 5 / 5 stars May 21, 2011

A Visual, and experimental masterpiece!

Did you have to milk the udder of the God-Cow to create such... magnificence? Such Triumph? I bow down before this, for all my base are belong to you. Let us partake in the delicious cereal that is this Flash, and hope that you deign to let lap the fallen milk that spills from your godly lips!

I can only imagine the amount of dedication and work that went into this. I CAN ONLY IMAGINE! What deeds did you have to do in order to gain these skills? My eyes, they feel the lusty thrusts of your creativity, and I can never hope to match your prowess in animation, in presentation, and in all walks of life you lead us to these great and almighty flashes!

Tell me, how did you do it? How did you gain such magnificence? Beat the odds?

This flash - it starts off in concerto, the anxious beat rising with each separate entry. The way that you've woven these flashes together, into a single cohesive, hive-minded form is legendary. I don't think I've ever seen the likes of it.

Then it cuts to the drama, the action, and the buildup towards the finale. I can't tell you how I gripped the edge of my chair, anxiously hoping that the protagonists made it through the scene, yelling at them furiously to not open those doors, to not witness those scenes. Masterful, once again!

And the finale - the tragic, heart-wrenching finale. I cried. Bitterly, as a sad wretched form, witnessing what happened. You've ended it on the best possible note, making it as dearly memorable as possible. i shan't ever forget this flash.

I don't think I can write any more - this is too much for me, I cannot handle its greatness. Good work - CloudObler, Spac3case916, Himynameisjacob, and HNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN - you've made this world a better place. Thank you.

I have to wipe... my eyes. They're very sweaty. Yes.


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CloudObler responds:

I thank you for your deep and truthful words Lintire.

Recent Game Reviews


Zelda the Welder Zelda the Welder

Rated 4 / 5 stars July 2, 2012

Playing this with a shitty mouse that glitched right the fuck out every two and a half seconds left me with a raging ego-boner by the time I beat this motherfucker.

Uh, hopefully someone will have already said this, but the saw is the third weapon down and you need to click on the grey area under the lit bulb to begin the first segment. This game will probably be buttfucked into oblivion because that ain't nearly clear enough, and that's a shame.

Anyway, the game was funny and quick, and that's the best kind of flash game. A few graphical glitches, but nothing but minor stuff. Great work, guys.


People find this review helpful!
MonoFlauta responds:

Hi! First of all let me say "DAT MOUSE" lol

We added some arrows to make it more obvious, hope that makes it clear enough now :)

Thanks for the review and glad you liked the game!


Story of the Blanks Story of the Blanks

Rated 3.5 / 5 stars July 3, 2011

missed your beats

My Little Pony happens to be one of the oddest trends today on the Internet, but something like that isn't going to stop me from reviewing this fairly. Besides, I do think it kind of cute.

It's a nice throwback to the old NES era, with everything from the checkerboard aesthetics to the lack of animation holding it together. As a fan-made piece, it isn't too bad either.

However, it is nowhere near "creepypasta" status, and it really lacks on the gameplay side, too. It basically consists of minor dialogue, a fetch quest, and a short "good" gameplay piece where you're figuring out the patterns to dodge the revivified ponies.

I'm really only talking about the beginning segment, too. The further dodging kind of sucked.

Now, while the throwback is all good in the aesthetics and audio department, the actual difficulty of the gameplay is lacking. The old NES games had serious game in them, and this, well, it plays on like a fan-piece.

It has potential, but missed potential at that.

You do realise that you could have made a full game out of this? We're talking puzzles, actual chase sequences, and a good load of fun escaping from the pony town. It is a real shame that you decided to keep it to a bare minimum.

It certainly isn't bad, not at all, you just could have done a whole lot more with it. I would have liked to have seen a lot more from it; a true tribute to the NES saga. Perhaps next time, ey?

And just because I can, I may as well address Mr. Ivan, although I know he'll never look at this; to say that you're generalizing is an understatement. Every "fandom" has its absolute freaks, but it also tend to have tonnes of actual, genuine, decent fans.

You may as well say that every COD player is a 12 year old, or that every black person is a bike-stealing nob. But you don't, because its a fucking lie. Saying that every MLP fan is a freak is lying. There you go.

Eh, peace out.


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Crossroads:2D Crossroads:2D

Rated 2.5 / 5 stars July 1, 2011

Bit of Column A... Bit of Column B....

It's not a bad game, not by any means, but there's just too many aspects of the game that's wrong for it to be enjoyable.

What this game is, really, is just a glorified fetch quest right throughout, where player involvement actually only chimes in at the last second, anyhow. This means that for getting each ending, you have to walk through the exact same sequence of events, time and time again.

Now, I'm a fan of retro graphics as much as the next guy, but making the player walk through the exact same environment at minimal speed 4 times in a row is nothing short of absolute torture.

Not to mention that when it comes down to it, there's no real gameplay, either. You seem to have left the "game" part out of this flash for the most part; you walk (really slowly), you talk (really shallowly), rinse and repeat.

However, there's quite a few aspects of the Flash that make up for that;

- It's a trip down Nostalgia lane
- Cliches in these kinds of games do mean that inane tasks are at least somewhat amusing
- The music loop, while annoying after the third runthrough, is actually quite good.

I'd advise, if you ever did return to doing a game like this, to:

- Speed up the player character
- Vary the environments a bit more
- Add more dialogue
- Add more incentive and choice into the different endings

Otherwise, you didn't do a bad job at all. You just didn't do a particularly good one. All the same, solid work, and congratulations on making such a popular game.


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kcnh responds:

Thank you for your review.

Recent Audio Reviews


'11 Artificial Intelli Ev '11 Artificial Intelli Ev

Rated 5 / 5 stars October 11, 2011

Hey.

Hans Zimmer called.

I know, I'm exaggerating here, but seriously - nice stuff.


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Coma: Red Wind Theme Coma: Red Wind Theme

Rated 4 / 5 stars July 6, 2010

Wind unto a Breath.

It's a great ambiance song that you have, certainly calming and the sort of thing I could lay back and listen to for hours. The hints of a choir that you have in there only make the songs so much more to be appreciated. I'm an absolute sucker for choir, so *pop* onto the favourites this goes.

This is definitely a better example of ambiance, fully blending in with it's own style of music. However, and a big however, is that the song itself need lengthening. You could have included much more substance into the song itself - since I'm the type who really gets involved with ambiance, it's sort of being left out for cold - one second you're lying back, peacefully listening to a great track and then suddenly it's over - not fair, brah. The song itself is pure brilliance, the slow buildup to the choir great but the length itself is just... ouch.

I'd suggest adding in some more turns, greater screen time for that choir, mostly working your way through the decibels, and mainly keep the song at it's peak for the longest time possible, before finally letting it go. Just try and lengthen the song out, get it going into some rhythm before letting us go like that. But otherwise, love the acoustic, the subtle macaronis (or whatever the shaking things are called) and the drums, and that choir in bloody brilliant.


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The Metaphoric Art Forum The Metaphoric Art Forum

Rated 5 / 5 stars July 6, 2010

Troof.

Besides being a delicately (see: Axe Murderer) constructed audio submission, it contains the truth of many a demise of a potential "artist". People must listen to this 'bloody long essay', at least new people, to grasp what their fates shall be like if they do not follow the advice of their elders, to learn and grow and be respected in the woodland full of faerie creatures.
As their falsely constructed empires of praise and mercy upon their 2-minute works fall down around them, exposing the very crappy down core of their self-esteem, we shall direct them to this literary dictation - people deserve to know that which has banished them why, and just how lowly the woodland creatures actually thought about them.

As for the submission itself, it's obviously parodical. You might want to try and brush up on your English accents and actually try to make it sound legitimate - sometimes, the best parodies are the ones you don't know are parodies. Theres also an annoying lisp constant throughout the piece, along with that little "thrown voice" thingie that always appears when someone is blatantly throwing their voice. As I absolutely no idea and experience what it's like to be a Voice Actor, I'll not waste time trying to suggest anything to fix that up.

The descriptive language was good, and I can see this being adapted into a flash movie of sorts, just to let people know what an unforgiving and horrible place the Art Forum can be without proper caution. Something along the lines of that Red Riding Hood movie where everyone got eaten. A right proper warning to the newbies, good sir. You've done a favour to the community and deserve to be justly rewarded. Failing that, you get a cookie.


bigjonny13 responds:

When I was recording it, I wasn't trying to go for an English accent, but it developed into that as the story progressed. As for the thrown voice, I have no idea what's up with that, as I didn't even try to do so.
Anyways, hooray for the cookie.

Recent Art Reviews


krinkels_battle-ready-jessie_small Battle Ready Jessie

Rated 3.5 / 5 stars Apr 9, 2012

Yo krinkels, just a few pointers:

- Everyone likes a big pair of hooters but these come along as saggy old-lady tits. Might want to invest in a push up bra, you dig? Nice shape to em, though.
- Legs are pretty small, dude. Not midget or totally unnatural small, just small enough to stick out and when going for sexy, most artists like to extend the legs for a reason. A SEXY reason.
- Her left hand is... well, you've probably already picked that up.
- Ears a bit unnatural. I mean this surprises a lot of people but smaller ears aren't all that sexy
- Ronald Mcdonald would LOVE her boots.

I have a habit of starting off with the shit so I can end it on a sweet note. This is, without a doubt, the best possible interpretation of Jesse ever. Ever. No contest, everyone else go home, this guy takes the prize.

Later, dude.


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luwano_droplets-wip_small Dew Drops

Rated 2.5 / 5 stars Apr 7, 2012

Yo Luw.

Use either less soft brushes or more hard ones. Obvious you just copy pasted the flower, missed an opportunity for some multi-angle fuckinjg. Plant in the foreground doesn't read, barely noticed the thorn. Colours are boring, ain't no unifying warm or cool there. Dew drops defy gravity. Light on the flower and the vine is coming from two different directions.

Ain't memorable, but an improvement over your last submission.


Luwano responds:

Thanks for your review. I screwed up on the background rose, I know. I had to rotate it and orignally planned to redo it once the foreground is done, but time ran out on me.

Copying the rose was actually necessary and the point of the pic was to have the same refelection again and again. I even tried drawing it one more time for the biggest dew drop, but halfway through I realized that there was little sense in spending double the time to make it look half as good.

As for the mutliangle thing, it's a good idea for another pic, but there would not be a noticable difference in angle if you look through two drops that are hardly an inch away from each other, or would it?

The drops don't defy gravity, if you looked at the reference there were similar drops on the top side of the branch. If anythingy I made mine too big or the stem too small.

You are right about the overuse of soft brushes and that I should have done more to the foreground plant. I think adding more thorns could have helped.

Thanks for taking the time to write a proper review and for your pointers and tips. It's really helpful.


test-object_mirrorland_small Mirrorland

Rated 3.5 / 5 stars Apr 7, 2012

Hey dude.

Usin' a small brush to scribble in noise does nothing but punch this piece in the dick. Light in the background is illuminating shit-all. Border to the piece looks like it was done in MS Paint. Cliffs an eyesore.

Digging the surrealist absurdity. Later.


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test-object responds:

boobulette